mothers who are tired

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Recently, I gobbled up a long form essay in Vela by Rufi Thorpe called Mother, Writer, Monster, Maid.  In it, there were shades of Elisa Albert’s After Birth, which to me, was the first honest published writing about motherhood since Salon’s now-defunct Mothers Who Think.

I have no commentary as of late; I’m just tired.  I’ve retreated into reading, listening to Sinatra, baking chocolate chip cookies, playing endless games of Trouble and picking up my husband’s errant socks.  Take the time to consume Thorpe’s piece and you will see that’s ok.  Motherhood is stuffed full of so many dichotomies:  the love/the hate, the heartbroken/the joy, the bored/the interesting.  I’ve never figured it out; it is just a messy stew of boomeranged emotions.

As I embark on my 24th year of mothering, there’s no pause in sight – my youngest son, a teenager but not, needs me more, not less.  His disability adds a fine net of complexity over everything, like a soft mist setting on a shiny day.  I achingly miss my older two children, but they are not here.  Most worrisome is my eldest son, who lives in America, a country imploding into a boiling rage.

So much is out of my serenity prayer – what I can control and what I cannot – that I hunker down to search for peace in my heart.  That, and methodically climbing through green prickly forests in open-toed sandals searching for good sticks and logs that look like alligators is all that I can possibly do.

2 thoughts on “mothers who are tired

  1. Katharina Staub says:

    I feel you Sue Robins. Our time away from our home has been amazing. For the first time since my children were born, I have not brought along, nor discussed any kind of challenges they may face with the school. It has been a blessing and made me realize how tiring it has been. Just taking it easy has never been part of my life. I’ve been needing it. Hoping to see you soon. Hugs Katharina

  2. Lisa says:

    Well you are playing “Trouble” and searching for alligator sticks. That is super hero mom stuff if ever I heard it! I know that when I am doing those kind of mom things I struggle to stay present and not wander to those places in my mind that are cluttered and confused. I too am tired and only in my 17th year of mothering! Yikes. Well I better go, another Netflix episode of Nashville awaits…I watch it with head phones, on my iPad, in my room, alone and have no ides what the rest of my family is doing! Pure luxury!!!

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