guilty as charged

self aware

Well this needs no commentary, except to say that Louis C.K. nails it again.  I’m forever preaching about reflective practice, which doesn’t mean infinite self-love. It means reflecting on what’s happened, thinking about your role in it and figuring out how you are going to be a better person the next time around.

And sometimes, my friends, when I look at my behaviour in uncomfortable situations, I have been an asshole.  (I prefer to call myself a jerk.  But if Louis C.K. says asshole, I’ll say asshole).  I’ve ignored personal texts and calls, been a less-than-ideal friend, begged off social situations, been totally, irrationally emotional about something minor, and have been a rabid judge of people who I feel are judgmental (?!).  I also can be too single-mindedly driven at work, be very mean if I feel someone has wronged one of my children, hold a hellofa grudge, harbour secret schemes to enact revenge on those who have wronged me, and finally, I am often on my high horse.  And I’m just scratching the surface.  Perhaps my ex-friends, ex-work colleagues or ex-boyfriends/spouse can chime in here.

People have told me that I’m such a nice person, and that makes me feel even more guilty for the times that I’m a jerk.  I consider this as the permission for me to say:  hey, sometimes I’m an asshole too.  I am perfectly imperfect and maybe by confessing this, this just makes me more human?  Or maybe it just makes me more of an asshole.  I’ll let you be my judge.

6 thoughts on “guilty as charged

  1. Katharina says:

    I don’t think you are either;) I think your a lovely human. When it comes to response time for messages or calls though.. You may have a point. Hugs

  2. lisawensink says:

    Reading this made me feel better about when I think I am being an asshole! Which happens more often than I’d like to admit.
    On the flip side, EVERYONE is an asshole SOMETIMES.
    Which is reassuring.
    So long as you are mostly not, you are doing pretty good as a human being, I think.

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